I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
