ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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