Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize