I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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