I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
