I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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