Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
