I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
