We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
