Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Can't talk, ducks in the car
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
