Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
