So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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