____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
