people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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