Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
