he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
