I think I won the penis lottery.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
