The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
