My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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