I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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