RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
