At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
