Having a random hookup so left but love u
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
