Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the day after is always just damage control
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
