My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
