I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
