shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
