i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
