You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
