just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
