I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
