watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
