but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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