just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
