Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
