people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
