these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
