Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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