i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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