she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
