I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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