Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
