dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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