Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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