Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
operation have a gay friend backfired
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
