I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
