at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
