why didn't you poke me back
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
