I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Maybe he injected his testicle?
my poor anus
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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