I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
