I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
