This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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